She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
