Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
