i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm getting married
To pizza
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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