her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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