My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
