When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
