He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
