We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
