I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
