May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
