we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
