yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
