I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
