I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
