It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
