My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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