i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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