just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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