Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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