It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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