She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
