Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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