he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
