i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
