Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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