Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this will be a night to untag.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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