Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
