Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
