Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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