You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
