rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
