Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
