we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
