I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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