oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
