he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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