i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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