If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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