plz talk dirty to me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
