2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
