If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
