Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
