well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
