he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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