Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
