RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
