I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
