just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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