And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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