Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
